Fast approaching the big 3-0 and with no man on the horizon, you might think that Plain Jane would invest less time on her choice of wheat-free organic soda bread and more time on not looking like the frumpiest mannequin in Laura Ashley. What she should do is dress more like miss WAG wannabe, but what she does do, every single day, is dress more and more like Kirsty Allsopp. Why?
You see, the central preoccupation of our Plain Jane is her slavish devotion to the conventional. Floral dresses, tights and cardigans are worn until June and then safely vacuum packed until early August.
When it's time to play, out comes something strappy, not too snappy and decidedly unsassy - with ballet pumps. She'd rather spend her days dreaming of quitting her job and writing a novel than think about fashion. Until that day comes, the subject of style is a blot on the horizon.
Sins include: Buying 'nice suits' for work, dressing like a waitress, ugly shoes, granny dresses, high necklines, low hems, shopping in Next, serial shopping for black pants.
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